The Ex-Factor

When do you close the door on a past relationship and how do you do it? This seems to be the question that seems to be on the minds of those closest to me, including me. It seems no matter how hard we try to keep the past in the past it always manages to jump right up in front of us when we feel like we have finally put it to rest. Sometimes its a great love or a first love or even just that first man who gave us those butterflies. Whatever it was that he was to us always seems to make him the hardest to forget.

I would say the first love and the great love are the hardest to put away. After four years of on-again-off-again heartbreak, Ireland(first "love"), managed to always get back into my head. Somehow, I feel after four years I have finally managed to put Ireland to rest. How did I manage that? I found the Great Love. We'll call him... Mr. Darcy. Not one who made it easy to love nevertheless it was him. In the whirlwind romance that it was, although it took months to get there, it made Ireland a thing of the past. However, as quickly as Mr. Darcy entered my life he exited, in the time it took to write a two sentence e-mail. It was as if I felt all the air being sucked out of me all at once. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Apparently, my great love was not Mr. Darcy's great love.

After a few months of the demise of the relationship between Mr. Darcy and I, I found myself with Ireland for the final time. Things were different this time. After having experienced the great love that was Mr. Darcy, those same feelings I had for Ireland had changed, the feelings that had me going back over and over for more heartache were gone. I had changed and somehow it felt as if he hadn't. That is when I knew that door was ready to be shut for good. As for Mr. Darcy, the pain still remains but only with time will it ever truly go away. It is for the better that I quietly shut his door as well, as much as it hurts to know it will never be again I know that if it were meant to be it would be.

So while I sit here with neither my first love or my great love I know it is for the good of my soul. The ex-factor is not one to dwell on. Why look to the past for something we no longer have? If we keep looking back we don't see what is in front of us and that is where we miss out. To all of you trying to come to terms with your ex-factor just remember there is a reason why they are. To continue to look back or to find yourself trying to keep them around because there is no one else is only hurting you in the end. One day they will find someone else and if you have been looking back using them as a crutch you are going to fall. Without them to lean on, in the end it will hurt more, to know you were standing still while everyone else was moving on ahead without you.

With the ex-factor in the past, can we ever truly keep our sights set forward again? Or will our head be slightly tilted looking out in our peripheral view every once in a while?

Hiding Mr. Right

So where do I begin. After only a few years in the "dating game" I have been dubbed by my friends as somewhat of an expert in the area. I suppose when you go on enough bad (and some good) dates as I do then expert is what you become. I guess you can call this "Sex and the City" of a real girl, living the single life in Toronto.

There are so many stories to tell, loves lost, loves found, the good, the bad and the extremely ugly. Stories of those around me who shape my life everyday. My friends, those who I wouldn't quite be the same without.

With all the single men out there you would think there would be at least one good one somewhere, but where is he hiding? I feel like I've looked everywhere but to this day he still eludes me. When times feel desperate I remember all those failed attempts where a seemingly good guy turns out to be a nightmare on a date. It's those shudders down my spine that remind me that maybe Mr. Right should stay Mr. Hidden for now! I'll leave you with an example on this one.

Man under the magnifying glass: Saint Britain. A charming man with all the right superficial qualities. Good looks, good job, great English accent. So St. Britain seems like a nice enough, charming man, so after a quick chat at an event I accept his invitation to meet for drinks. The minute we meet up to go to the pub for drinks St. Britain turns into, well, not quite a Saint. Uninterested in everything I had to say, even though he asked the questions, and zero eye contact. The night couldn't have ended soon enough! He decides to walk me home however halfway to the main door of the building he gives the official "I'll call you" end-of-the-date line and turns to leave so fast I thought maybe his shoes were on fire! At the end of it all he still had the audacity to ask me out yet again.

I can't help but wonder, is this what the city has to offer? It's been said many times, dating in the city is not easy, but we have to make it fun! So you go on a few dates with men like St. Britain...there are many out there, trust me I know! At the end of the day what matters is that you don't let the small stuff get to you and that you have great friends to laugh about it with. Then I look to my friends like Mr. Fabulous who has it figured out, he snagged the man, the perfect man. I know there is the perfect man for me out there somewhere, but for now the anticipation will do. As Mr. Fabulous says, "Babe, you are young, enjoy life!" and that is exactly what I will do. Along the way I will keep playing this "dating game" for your entertainment and mine.

Until next time I will leave you with a quote, care of Mr. Fabulous:

"There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you, you love, well, that's just fabulous'!"- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City