The Friendship Facade

Those infamous last words, "let's just be friends". Why do we say these words when most of the time we know we don't mean it? Is it because it softens the blow or is it because maybe we fool ourselves into thinking that maybe we can be friends? Maybe we just need to start learning to say what we mean.

F.M., a guy who in every regard seemed to be perfect. Sweet and fun to be around not to mention good looking and very considerate. As most heros fall so did he, the calling and text messaging subsided and his behaviour did a complete 180. What was I to think? Did I do something wrong? Then I thought and was told.... why do I always revert back to thinking I've done something wrong? For the most part we all think this. Finally after some very strange behaviour on his part we had "the talk" and decided to remain friends. I always assumed that friends would see each other, call each other from time to time...maybe I was wrong but this is not what happened.

On the other hand my friend, who I will call Lambchop, had been on a few dates with a girl and decided she wasn't really right for him. So he came to me and asked what he should do. Of course the "let's just be friends" idea came up. The more I think about it the more I wonder, why do we put ourselves through it?

Either we tell someone we want to be friends or they tell us, but how often do we really mean it? Sometimes we just don't want to ever have to talk to them again or we say it because we just don't want to hurt them and this seems to be the easiest way. If we are the ones being told that someone we like just wants to be friends with us we think well maybe somewhere down the line things will work out or I rather have them in my life than not at all. We kid ourselves into believing this is the best way yet in the end we are left disappointed when we don't hear from them or see them for months at a time.

"I'm just too busy for a relationship right now, work/school/family needs to be my priority, but I'd love it if we stayed friends." Why don't we just say what we really mean unless you truly do want to be friends with the person! We could save each other disappointment and anger if we just could say what we mean. We need to move forward and get past trying to please everyone and keep everyone happy. It's better to be honest than to give someone false hopes.

It makes me wonder, why is it that with all the advancement in society it seems that this area of our lives, dating, romance, relationships, seem to remain stagnant. Let's try something new. Let's try being open and honest. Let's try being real friends and not just friends for the sake of hiding how we really feel and the fear or hurting someone. Honesty may hurt now but in the end it will save us so much more heartache.