The Ex-Factor

When do you close the door on a past relationship and how do you do it? This seems to be the question that seems to be on the minds of those closest to me, including me. It seems no matter how hard we try to keep the past in the past it always manages to jump right up in front of us when we feel like we have finally put it to rest. Sometimes its a great love or a first love or even just that first man who gave us those butterflies. Whatever it was that he was to us always seems to make him the hardest to forget.

I would say the first love and the great love are the hardest to put away. After four years of on-again-off-again heartbreak, Ireland(first "love"), managed to always get back into my head. Somehow, I feel after four years I have finally managed to put Ireland to rest. How did I manage that? I found the Great Love. We'll call him... Mr. Darcy. Not one who made it easy to love nevertheless it was him. In the whirlwind romance that it was, although it took months to get there, it made Ireland a thing of the past. However, as quickly as Mr. Darcy entered my life he exited, in the time it took to write a two sentence e-mail. It was as if I felt all the air being sucked out of me all at once. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Apparently, my great love was not Mr. Darcy's great love.

After a few months of the demise of the relationship between Mr. Darcy and I, I found myself with Ireland for the final time. Things were different this time. After having experienced the great love that was Mr. Darcy, those same feelings I had for Ireland had changed, the feelings that had me going back over and over for more heartache were gone. I had changed and somehow it felt as if he hadn't. That is when I knew that door was ready to be shut for good. As for Mr. Darcy, the pain still remains but only with time will it ever truly go away. It is for the better that I quietly shut his door as well, as much as it hurts to know it will never be again I know that if it were meant to be it would be.

So while I sit here with neither my first love or my great love I know it is for the good of my soul. The ex-factor is not one to dwell on. Why look to the past for something we no longer have? If we keep looking back we don't see what is in front of us and that is where we miss out. To all of you trying to come to terms with your ex-factor just remember there is a reason why they are. To continue to look back or to find yourself trying to keep them around because there is no one else is only hurting you in the end. One day they will find someone else and if you have been looking back using them as a crutch you are going to fall. Without them to lean on, in the end it will hurt more, to know you were standing still while everyone else was moving on ahead without you.

With the ex-factor in the past, can we ever truly keep our sights set forward again? Or will our head be slightly tilted looking out in our peripheral view every once in a while?